Lissie sat in her tent, a candle cupped in her open palm. The flame swayed and flickered. She tried to move with it, move up and out of herself. She tried.
Riley’s voice broke her reverie. “Do you need anything? Cora and I cooked! It’s mostly cooked.”
Lissie blew out the candle. “Maybe food will help me concentrate. Thanks for making breakfast.”
“Any closer?”
She looked up at Riley. Her friend looked grim. She replied, “It always feels close, it feels like I’m right at the cusp of leaving. Then I hang like that… and I never move further.”
“Tlaso says it’s two more days to the border.” Riley turned and left the tent. Lissie stared at the wick on the candle for a moment. It started to glow. A thin stream of smoke rose. She closed her eyes and pinched the wick. Lissie put the candle back in her pouch.
—
Don’t think about fire.
Lissie forced herself to smile as she took another bite. Cora was staring at her. The potatoes were crunchy.
Where did they get potatoes?
Riley was shoveling food in her mouth. She was not one for tasting.
Cora sat her bowl down. “I know it’s not very good. I read the recipe you gave me, but I feel like something was lost in translation.”
Between bites Riley said, “Yeah, like, how do you know if water’s boiling?”
“Strenuous activity is the best spice.” Tlaso swirled his stew with a spoon. “Though if we had meat, it would add something.”
Riley pointed at him with a shard of potato. “I could eat anything after training.”
“You’re the one who told us not to bring any, oh Mighty Hunter.” Alexander had already relinquished his bowl to Ruskin. Lissie saw the cubes of potato were cleaned, and left behind. She decided that was a good option.
“Even with a small fire, after another couple hours this should cook up fine. You can put this back in the pot for a while, I’ll finish up later.” Lissie handed her bowl back to Cora and began to stand up.
“Stay with us! Here, I’ll teach you to play Writ.” Alexander jingled his Writ box. “I wouldn’t expect much to change until we get to the North.”
Lissie lingered, staring at her tent. “I don’t see why anything would change there. Just more pressure.”
“The trick, in the North, is to keep your feet on the ground. The wind is something ferocious, it will pull a horse off a ridge.” Alexander started laying out the game. “Come on, I’ll deal you in.”
Lissie turned and started walking away, her mind full of flames blowing in the northern wind. Riley caught her shoulder. “You don’t have to play, I know you hate games. Just stay with us. Take a night off. Rest whatever it is you’re working so hard on.”
“Mental effort takes just as much rest and healing as physical exertion.” Cora added, looking up from the Writ board. “When I would come up on exams, it would take me days to recover.”
“I don’t know how you ride the Wind, but I know that you can’t force it.” Riley’s hand was still holding Lissie’s shoulder. “If that’s all it took, you’d be gone by now.” Her words did not feel comforting at all.
Lissie could hardly see her friends for the flames in her mind. She pulled away from Riley. “I won’t try anymore today. I just need to sleep. You’re probably right, I’m exhausting myself.”
Riley forced another hug. Lissie tried to keep her touch friendly.
Don’t burn her.
Sleep would not come. Every time she heard Alexander’s cry of ‘That’s note!’ she would roll over again. Lissie opened her eyes. The sun was well up. Everyone should be asleep. No one was.
She pulled the candle back out of the pouch. The wick was cold to her touch. Her body was slick with sweat. She stared at it nestled in her palm.
Is that a glow?
The thinnest stream of smoke. She followed it into a sunbeam.
The Sun is Death.
Lissie hid the candle from herself, tucking it out of her mind. She dreamt of fire.